A concept I came across in a book called The Love Dare, states that in every person’s heart there is a place called the Appreciation Room.  In this room we write on the walls, all the qualities and strengths we appreciate about the people we love.  We write words and phrases like, “thoughtful”, “a hard worker”, or “has a lovely smile” etc.  It’s a beautiful room full of light and warmth.

But then we have another room in our heart, the Depreciation Room.  On the walls of this room are scrawled painful words, memories and weaknesses of the people we love.  Whether you realize it or not, you record arguments and hurtful words spoken here.  It’s a place where anger is festered into bitterness.

This can be applied to all relationships, your parents, your siblings, your spouse (or your future one), and friends.

Sometimes, when the waters of life are choppy, we tend to visit the Depreciation Room a whole lot more the Appreciation Room.  When times are tough we forget why we loved these people in the first place because we never go into the sun lit room and remember their strengths.  The trick is, learning to rein in your thoughts when you start to go on a tangent about all the shortcomings around you.   Focus on the good, because that is what true love does.  And that is what Jesus does.

And above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

At Generations of Virtue we carry this book and as we were showing it to several people at a recent conference we realized that there should be a “Secrets About Girls” book for guys. Since we do not currently have the time or budget to write such a book, we’re gonna put it up on the blog. Who knows how many secrets we’ll reveal on here – but if you have some to add, just let us know!

Secret #1: Actions Speak Louder than Poetry
Many guys think that girls are all about love letters and sonnets. Honestly – we do like someone who can put their feelings into words, but when it comes to what means a lot to most girls it’s the way you act. When the words fade away as mere sound bites, we want to know what you’re all about. Do you respect others, do you know what that “lifetime love” looks like from the poem you stole from the internet? When a guy has something he wants to say and has a gift with words, it can mean the world to us just like it can mean so much to guys, but it really raises a stench when a guy tries to use his words to manipulate a girl or because he saw it in some Disney flick and thinks it’ll melt our heart. How’s your walk? Pure? Honest? Right?

When you feel you are ready to begin to look for a female companion I highly suggest you take a good look inward first. God will forever be molding your character, but you definitely shouldn’t be on a quest for love until your actions are ready to flow out of a heart of dedication to Christ. Most girls will watch the way you act, but the princess of the King knows how to discern how your actions are a result of your heart and whether it is truly deeply lost in Jesus. So know that everyone is watching your actions, and don’t make the mistake of assuming you’re good to go just because you can use words with more than 12 letters. Instead commit your words unto the Lord and allow him to shape your heart and purify your actions so that you will be a blessing to those around you and not a nuisance.

I was unpacking so I could re-pack for this summer, and I was reflecting on the first 5 1/2 months of this year. It’s almost halfway through and I’ve seen a lot already. I’ve been to Washington, D.C, the largest city in Senegal, villages in the African countryside, northern Wisconsin, Chicago, Illinois, my college, and my hometown. This summer I’m living in my college’s town before I pack up and head out to New York for J127, and after that, I don’t know exactly how the end of 2012 is going to shake out.

In the past 5 1/2 months, I have learned quite a bit of a new language. I’ve gotten a job in a city other than the one in which I grew up. I’ve sat with people so desperate for God that they’d rather be baptized than be able to go home that night. I’ve been asked to be the maid of honor in a friend’s wedding. I’ve sat outside a hut in the middle of nowhere at 4am because it was too hot to sleep. I’ve watched Jesus save a relationship that was about to crack without Him at the center. I’ve seen one of my close friends graduate and accept a job offer for her new life. And I have learned to be at home anywhere and everywhere, because the Lord is indeed our dwelling place.

I could not have dreamed this life for myself. I am so unbelievably happy, and ever thankful. And do you know where this joy started? It started with a complete and total surrender to Jesus Christ. And not just one surrender, but the commitment to surrender every day, to die daily. I didn’t just give God my desire for a husband or my reading list or my music or my time or my friends or my family or the plans for my life; I gave Him all of those things.

It hasn’t been easy, and it hasn’t been a one-time thing. Some days, I have to hourly ask myself who I’m going to follow. Sometimes it’s every 5 minutes. And sometimes I fail to surrender at all. But what I want you to be encouraged by is the fact that I regret nothing. My life is turning out nothing like I planned. It is so much better.

You will never regret following Jesus. When you die, you’re not going to stand before the Lord and say that you wished you’d given Him less; if anything, you’re going to be asking yourself why you didn’t give Him more. You’re going to wonder why your girlfriend, your favorite rapper, your career goals, your desires, and your dreams took precedent over the glory of Christ standing before you.

So let’s not wait until then to start asking what else we have to give. Let’s start today; how can we honor, love, and serve the Lord more? The more we give, the more we will see of Him in our lives. And what could make life more beautiful?

No one can presume to know the mind of Christ, but over the years I have noticed a few trends that reveal a piece of His love and character. One of these trends is along the lines of the popular saying “you get what you pay for”. This can go alongside the parable in the Bible about when David approached a man in the kingdom to buy his threshing floor in order to build an altar as the Lord had commanded him (2 Sam 24). The man offered to give anything to help David, but the king replied in wisdom saying “No, I insist on paying you for it. I will not sacrifice to the Lord my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing.”

Our lives are meant to be lived with God according to His plan for us. As we walk day in and day out with our Savior we cannot expect that He will pour out blessings and profits to us if we are unwilling to invest in our relationship with Him. (Sometimes the Lord does give bountifully to those who may not “deserve” it, but as we looked at in the post about what we deserve, we know that doesn’t really matter.) This post is intended to be a general motivation for you to start giving back to God of the things that were never really yours. If you will give God “your” time, He will multiply it. If you give God “your” money, He will multiply it. These are His promises according to His word. However, if you give Him 1%, although He will still multiply it – your percentage in return will mathematically be less. If God were to triple everything you gave Him, $1.00 would come back as $3.00, but $100 would return as $300!

I’m not saying God is a coke machine, and sometimes He will take us through a time of giving without a tangible reward, but we need to keep our eyes on the things eternal and know that NOTHING good is lost in God. This concept applies to more than currency as well, if we dedicate our standards, relationships, and even dreams to the Lord and bind them to His plan for our lives – we can rest assured that He will bring them back around so much bigger than we could have ever imagined or accomplished on our own! How much are you willing to give for Christ?

One of my closet friends had a boyfriend. She’s not Christian and yes, they were sleeping together. The relationship was going sour until, finally, this weekend, he officially dumped her, adding distress to a pile of already difficult life problems. We were at a track meet together; I had just come to watch and hang out with the team I’d so dearly missed. I knew she was devastated and I held her as she cried on the bus ride home.

I didn’t have much to say; I have no idea what she must have felt like. But then she started talking. She started saying that she didn’t know how things would ever get better, or how she’d have anyone to talk to; she kept saying that she wanted to be with someone so that she wouldn’t be alone. She wanted to have a boyfriend who would listen to her and not leave her and understand the depths of her heart.

And that’s where the Lord created a window. I may not know what it feels like to be dumped, but I certainly know what it sounds like when the Prince of Peace is calling someone’s name. We were all created with a God-sized hole in our hearts that only He can fill. It doesn’t matter what else we try to fill it with; He is a perfect circle in a world of jagged triangles and crooked rectangles. The desire to look for a boyfriend or a girlfriend is the desire to fill that hole. If only we could see that Jesus so desperately wants that place.

We are no longer bound to the desires and passions of this world; Christ has set us free. We don’t have to live in this place of desperation and loneliness. But we have to call on Him. We will find Him when we quit looking for everyone and anyone else and seek only the Lord. We cannot seek the Lord with all our heart if we leave room for anything else.

And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

A while back, I started to get into the habit of really praying and thinking on God when I was at work.  Things were going great, but then there’s one problem, over the store loudspeakers secular pop music was always played.  At first it was hard to concentrate with music, but I started to get better.  Then this song started playing, like 100 times a day, it had a catchy tune and the lyrics were clean and interesting.  For some odd reason I was drawn to it and it got stuck in my head.  So everyday I would be prayin’ along, minding my own business and then “that song” would play and my mind would immediately go into music mode.  It may seem trivial or even silly, but I started to feel like I was under attack.  Like something was trying to keep me from talking to God.  I was getting frustrated with myself for being so easily defeated.  I  prayed that my mind wouldn’t be distracted and over the course of a week I started to be able to close off my mind to the music, so that no matter what was playing, I could speak uninterrupted with my Savior.

And now, I laugh because that song still plays, and whenever I hear it I am IMMEDIATELY reminded to pray without ceasing.  Instead of distracting me, that song now encourages me!  Is God good or what?  Moral of the story?  God can give you the victory, even in the most unexpected ways.

One of the rules of swordfighting: if you can’t disarm your enemy, use their own weapon against them.  It really works!

Here’s a sample of pics from my recent trip to Surabaya. As you heard, the GOV team was over in SE Asia for a few months this spring. If you’ve never been on a ministry trip I only have one word for you: “Go.”

Seriously. The lessons I learned are shaping my entire world right now. One of the fundamental things you will quickly see firsthand is that you are a tiny (but essential) piece of “the puzzle”. Coupled with that is the fact that there are not only bigger towns than yours, but there are so many souls out there with problems much bigger than yours. You don’t have to have life figured out (actually being self-righteous about what you know is one of the fastest ways to make enemies of the people you minister to.) you just have to be willing to go when God sends you.

Being able to go on the GOV trip was an answer to so many prayers I have said over the years. God answers prayers, you know, not always in the way we think- but He always has a listening ear to His children. Especially when our heart’s desire is to know Him more. If you wanna see the world changed, start to be a part in WHATEVER God asks you to do. It doesn’t have to be overseas at this moment but if that is of interest to you then begin to pray about it and watch for opportunities to serve where you’re at. Then keep a good record to see what God does in your life.

If then you have not been faithful in the unrighteous wealth, who will entrust to you the true riches? (Luke 16:11 ESV)

One of my American friends who’s been to Senegal and back a few times came over the night before I left to talk with me about how I felt about leaving, and to help me know what to expect in coming home. She suggested doing only very normal things, and keeping it as easy as possible.

She shared a mistake from her homecoming: going to a grocery store on day 1. In Senegal, the few grocery stores that exist are quite small, with limited choices. Mostly, you just run to a small corner shop with basic needs type items when you need them. She said she was overwhelmed when she got to the bread aisle and saw the rows and rows of options, just for bread, and it was really uncomfortable and unpleasant. She was unprepared for the experience of so many choices.

For those who are preparing to leave home for the first time, or maybe just after awhile, it’s important to realize what’s all out there. I’ve seen friends who grew up in strong, Christian homes, but were overtaken by the parties, by the ease of dating, by the casual approaches to guy/girl interactions, by no filters, by the freedom to watch and listen to whatever they wanted. There’s a lot going on in our world, that perhaps your parents have been working to protect you from.

But it has to be you. You have to commit. You can put a filter on your own computer, and have your parents monitor it. You can decide to read the Bible and see what He has to say about your sexuality, about your relationships. Otherwise, you could find yourself overwhelmed by a world looking to break you down.

For more tips, check out How To Ruin Your Life By 40. It also makes a great graduation gift!

Have you ever seem someone get in trouble or get yelled at and you thought to yourself “they deserved that.”? Now, have you ever thought about what you deserve? What about for all the things you didn’t get caught for.

So many times when I was younger and making many stupid choices I realize when someone did correct me, then it was much easier to make a good choice. Your life is made up of choices and I really wish that teens could see more clearly the law of sowing a reaping. I think we need a program like this picture that would help people to see the obvious results of stupidity by an obvious smack in the face. I’m not sure when we as a culture decided to let so much slide, but every single one of us is going to have to account for our part in the bigger story. To the people reading this, I know I can challenge you to more than just “don’t be stupid.” so I’d like to challenge you to be smart. It might sound easy, but when you break it down to the day to and humble yourself before the throne, you will be met with abundant grace and so much more than you deserve to help you run the good race.

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid. (Proverbs 12:1 ESV)

The only sure-fire way to know if you’re being stupid. It takes a lot of guts to ask for help, but if there’s someone in your life who can keep you on the upside of smart choices I would highly recommend you submit to their guidance. If you don’t have anyone, I recommend you get on your knees and ask the Lord who gives freely to all who seek and ask in Jesus’ name. His grace is not what we deserve, but His grave is empty so we can live a life of freedom to do good for the kingdom!

 A quote from “My Utmost for His Highest”:

Our natural inclination is to be so precise—trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next—that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We think that we must reach some predetermined goal, but that is not the nature of the spiritual life. The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty….

Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life—gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises. When we become simply a promoter or a defender of a particular belief, something within us dies. That is not believing God—it is only believing our belief about Him. Jesus said, “. . . unless you . . . become as little children . . .” (Matthew 18:3). The spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next. If our certainty is only in our beliefs, we develop a sense of self-righteousness, become overly critical, and are limited by the view that our beliefs are complete and settled. But when we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. Jesus said, “. . . believe also in Me” (John 14:1), not, “Believe certain things about Me”. Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in—but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him.